Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
