I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
