I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
