Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
