I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
