She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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