I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
40s are totally the cure
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
