Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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