so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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