I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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