i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so explain again why im purple
no
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
