Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
