I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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