Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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