the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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