my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
