i jhust puked up my retainher.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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