the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
