he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
