Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
