I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I did not marry a roomba.
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