woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
