the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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