May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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