There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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