you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
