Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
