why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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