pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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