Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
