maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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