were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
