bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
