Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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