I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
