It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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