i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
