I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
