i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
