I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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