Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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