And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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