Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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