you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
