I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
