I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
