Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
