sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
