Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
