I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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